"You've done this many times before"... a useful mantra from an odd place.

 “You’ve done this many times before, this is just one of those times.”

The above quote is a line spoken a number of times in Craig Warner’s theatrical adaptation of Patricia Highsmith’s novel, Strangers on a Train. It’s first said by Charles Bruno but becomes repeated by Guy Haines, a mantra between them. I’ve read the novel, but only after having read the play many times to learn the lines, I can’t find it there, it might be a play only addition.

The play version of Charles Bruno is a more pathetic person than the novel version - at the very least, his hold over Guy Haines is less strong - but the line is an example of Bruno being something of the master manipulator he thinks he is. At the point it’s introduced, he’s been sending Guy daily letters reiterating the exact steps he should take to kill Bruno’s father. The notion being that Guy has rehearsed the steps so often by reading the letters, the actual act should be no different.

Of course, if Guy had a backbone, he’d send the letters to the police and use it as proof of Bruno’s murderous intentions but he doesn’t, so he obsessively reads them instead. There is something psychologically powerful in repeating and reiterating the instructions again and again, something which makes it inevitable that Guy will follow them. It reminds me of the Roman stoics who would rehearse the worst outcomes of an event so they would be ready for them if they occurred.

It’s also an interesting line to have in a play. As someone playing Guy, I’ve read those lines multiple times, said them aloud in rehearsals and will say them over again during the play’s run. In a very real sense, when I ‘kill’ Bruno’s father on the fifth night of the run, I’ll have done it ‘for real’, (at least for an audience invested in the action) four times before. Poor Bruno’s father, he never appears on stage but is killed over and over again.

Weirdly, it’s a line that has been playing in my head a lot this week, both in reference to the play and in reference to going back to work at a school. This is my 17th new year and I find going back after the summer holidays as much as I ever did. There’s something comforting in remembering that I’ve done it many times before and that this is just one of those times. It also helps with the play, although I’ve learned the lines, I don’t feel like I have. They are all in there and come out when the scenes play, but if I were to sit down and try to cold remember them, it’s like they’re not there - but I’ve successfully got through the scenes many times before, tonight will be just one of those times. 

It also applies to my writing and this blog. A little hour snatched after school and before rehearsal is the only time I have to write this and it wasn’t till this morning that I had any idea of what I wanted to write about. I always think of something though. I’ve written a blog post many times before, this is just one of those times - I should trust myself.

And it might not be the finest entry on this blog, but it’s something, and something relevant to the art of writing and my life at this moment. It’ll do anyway.

Next week I perform the play and then after that, I won’t be doing it any more. I’ll probably miss it then.